sigh

nothing I write here will probably get read by you anyway. but here's a shot, and a shot is better than nothing.

it's been about two months since you started ignoring me. I don't know why, but I still get this sinking feeling everytime I click on your Friendster profile. it's not that I deliberately want to click on it. just, to find out how you've evolved over time I suppose. looks wise.

you still look as stunning as ever, or at least what I can gather from that single display picture of yours.

I don't know what else to say.

I wish you all the best in whatever you want to do.

have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

and if it isn't asking for too much, a friendly hello over the telephone or over the email will be nice.

I miss you a lot Phyllis. more as a friend than anything else. you have no idea how badly I want to meet up or talk to you, now that I'm back in Singapore. I don't even want to think about us getting back together or anything. I just want to start over again. start being friends again. hell, start talking properly again without both of us going at each other's necks.

people have been asking me about you. the SFMS folks will probably know why, seeing how you may have told them everything. my other friends, who weren't quite sure about what happened, have all tried to theorised on what has happened.

I don't know what else to say. I hate leading double lifes and leading a secret life with a secret blog that not many people know. I know how you feel right now, all those months ago.

I'm sorry it just didn't come to my senses early enough.

I'm terribly sorry.

maybe I should just fade away. if only I could fade you away too. but. after being sober from everything, I've come to the realisation that you don't fade friends away. or at least I can't.

please accept my sincerest and most humble apologies.

sigh.
lisped at 03:33

prays

she needs the prayers.

she needs it more than anybody else.
lisped at 18:52

test drive

test drove a Mitsubishi Outlander today. car felt a bit tall, and rolled around a bit when I took the turns at the round abouts. acceleration was a bit sluggish as compared to the Forester Turbo, but I think the turbo in the Forester kinda explains the fast acceleration.

hmm. suitable for the roads of Australia, which can get pretty unpredictable, with the random appearence of depressions that will not fail in giving the ultimate shudder and jolt to the car.

will listen to Kenneth and test drive other vehicles for the fun of it. next up, Liberty GT and WRX STi. :P just for the fun of it, seeing how I'm a supposed customer *even though I have absolutely NO interest in getting the car*

but this is the silly thing I'm doing this holidays. test driving vehicles. nice way to kill time, apart from cleaning my house up and reading my books. 3 things to do in 21 days. nice. (=
lisped at 00:21

of tv meals and sea side views

I'm having a TV meal whilst I flip through the pages of my lecture notes for the last paper. Organisational Communication seems to be a very ambiguous paper, judging from the past year papers I'm holding in my hands right now.

oops. now it's stained. probably could use it as a bib now.

------

bah

------

I noticed that you're really actively ignoring me.

I hate myself. I'll probably appear pathetic for doing so, but it'd be nice to hear from you. especially in a week's time.

please

------

I've moved on. denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance

I made a seamless transition from denial and anger to bargaining and depression. all in one swift move.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by wallowing in this induced state of self pity.

*growls at himself*

if I really treasure her as a friend, I should just let her off on her on and forget about her since she wants to forget about me. the thing is, she doesn't believe that I'm never good at being friends with my ex, and always cites Andrea as an example. the thing is, I and Andrea enjoy a very love-hate relationship. I wouldn't even qualify that as friendship, seeing how at times I couldn't care less about her and vice versa.

somebody please help me.

Phyllis. just. give me a call. or email back. please.

------

think I'll go be alone.

3 hours of sleep everyday since the past three weeks. not funny. not like she cares anyway, because if she did...

forget it. I want her to care and show care for me in my way, which is why I'm interpreting it as her not caring.

------

I should stop whining and cringing, shouldn't I?
lisped at 23:07

dreams..

I had a beautiful dream of a friend a few days back. kinda made me closer to her, which is nice, seeing how our friendship has stretched back for years. since we were starting out in secondary school I think.

I dreamt that she came over to Melbourne, and slept with me. well we shared the same bed and all *don't think dirty damn it!* she woke up early to make me breakfast. brought it to the bedside for me to eat *I have never EVER had breakfast by the bed. maybe coz I could never wake up in time. wait. I have had hotcakes by the bed with Andrea before. but that was eons ago.*

then she spilt milk on me. an entire carton of Rev milk. which costs about $3.20AUD for a 2 litre pack, subject to price increase due to increase in petrol prices.

and she started crying. I dragged her in, gave her a kiss on the lips and told her *no pun intended* "no point crying over spilt milk."

haha. I humour myself even in my dreams.

then I dreamt I took her on a tour of Monash. and it suddenly became this huge ass botanical gardens themed area, with trees and flowers for lecture halls and tutorial rooms were filled with lakes and swans. a bit hazy here, but that's about it for the Monash bit.

then we set out on a drive towards the great ocean road. appreciated the scenic drive, and loved every bit of it. took photos of ourselves by the beach, and it was desserted. even stood on one of the apostles and yelled like little idiots. and then we saw flying platypuses. yes. them duck-billed mammals. flying. through the sky.

I am entitled to wild imaginations whilst dreaming okay. don't sue me.


in short, the dream made me miss her a lot. or rather, the times I spent with her.

to her....no names gonna be revealed here. :)

you know who you are

but I appreciate the bits where I met you up for supper at the west coast area. or staying over at your club room and working your computer out. even getting the iPod shuffle for you because you didn't have the time to get it for yourself *busy bee you* or the ban mian experience and cravings. everything. and you know what, you're a mate to me!

I don't know what I'm going on about here. maybe I'm sentimental, and the lack of sleep is killing me. but I just want to let you know that you're one of the few folks back in Singapore whom I miss dearly. and just like you say, overseas calls giving you the warm and fuzzy feeling...that's the sort of feeling that I get when I talk to you online or over the phone.

I love you. a lot. *hugs* thanks for being a friend. (=

and yes. you can use that smiley. you trademark stealer you. :P
lisped at 06:13

Bali 2005

11 days after the 3rd year anniversary of the first bombings in Bali at Kuta, a second bombing has taken place.

I'm personally sickened by such acts of attrocities.

may the people who have been killed rest in peace; may those injured recover stat; and may the people who did it get their just rewards.

Channel News Asia

Reuters News Agency

CNN

BBC
lisped at 03:42

laughter *Children's Day*

Renee "I've got the fuck-off look written on my face when I go clubbing"

Vivek "you have the fuck-off face written on your face everywhere. or wait. is it the fuck-me face?"

*que massive laughter in car capable of toppling buildings*

------

Renee "is that part of yours still painful?"

TRS in akward prone position *stretching his back, lah. don't think dirty*

Renee "you want me to massage it for you?"

TRS with quizzical look/glance towards Renee

*que massive laughter in room capable of cracking paint on walls*

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lisped at 03:09

paradigm shift

I'm considering if I should have a paradigm shift for this blog. not that I don't like it. just. considering tinkering about with the layout, and probably the direction of where this blog is heading.

more thoughts of the self? then again, isn't what I type about most of the time thoughts of the self? wait. maybe a monologue?

suggestions?

and PS. yes. it's me wanting to make a new start. holidays are coming round the corner. a new car as well perhaps. I want a new me. can't possibly go back to year zero, and I'd give anything not to. seeing how I quite like where I am right now, which is really in the middle of nowhere.

hmm.

ah screw it.

I'm muttering nonsense. journalistic talent my ass.
lisped at 03:04